Sad Things

5'7"

197lbs.

That's me. That's the most me I want to be.

Explained Absence

Well, as you can see, it's been a fair while since my last confession, er, entry. A lot has happened and I've been a busy little bee. For starters, two major holidays have come and gone accompanied by a delightful visit from my two favorite Texans: my sister and her boyfriend. So, my apologies for not writing since LAST YEAR! Ha-ha-ha. One of the lamest jokes that I don't consider to be beneath me. It was probably one of the best times I've had with my whole family--by a long shot. However, since I'm back in Minneapolis by my lonesome, I'm feeling like something is missing. Of course there is! I hardly see my sister. Lately, it's been two times a year tops. It's high time I do something about it. This entails two options:

1. I need to make more of an effort to visit more.

2. I could throw all caution into the winds and just move my ass down there, so I can be closer to her.

Though this later option seems bold and/or rash, I'm considering it more and more. Why the hell not? I need to get away from here and explore. And as sad (or freeing) it is to come to the realization that I'm not exactly magnetized here by anything anymore, it's very exhilarating. If I think about it, the things I have here may be found somewhere else. Sure, I'll miss it and it will be difficult to move on. Honey, life just ain't that easy all the time.

This being said, I will now write down some of my resolutions for the coming year. Yeah, yeah. I know it's already day two.

The following is a list of all the things I want to do to make my life more me:

(If you see something here that strikes a chord with you, by all means, DO IT TOO!)

1. Please get off your potato-sack ass and lose some weight already. You don't have any more excuses. You've got the time. Eat right. Exercise. Guess what? It isn't going to be easy, but the long-run will prove to be much more satisfying than this mediocre, low self-esteem business. Puh-LEASE! Have you ever felt bad after working out? The meantime may be a hurdle, but afterward is always very pleasant.

2. Stop assuming everybody sucks. Positive attitudes when it comes to meeting someone, or trying new things with people help out immensely. Just imagine people as angry cats. They only reason they try to project their grumpiness onto you is because of any one of the following: a) they are hungry, b) they are tired, c) they've been left in a cage and haven't experience any form of stimulation, d) you're rubbing them the wrong way (closely related to petting a cat too roughly), e) they are simply feral bastards that should be left alone (out of sight, out of mind). Regardless, just be you and embrace the fact that you can't help everyone, but try to get along with the rest of your litter.

3. If you aren't happy with your job, get a new one. That reminds me! Now is a great time to look. Display your talents and diligently look.

4. Try new foods, restaurants and activities. Do more and buy less. Make art and music. Be creative. Make more meals. Eat with friends. Save money. Write more letters. Be involved in your own life. Explore more music--expand my library.

Well. That's all I have for now. There's no doubt that more will be added to this list. Stay tuned for further resolution updates. I just need to give up the ghosts of the past and embrace the new and present.

Here's a song for you to listen to before you go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mP5xgDdwRXg

Counted Blessings

Another lazy Sunday. Another snow emergency! This time, I think I may have escaped the ruthless tow trucks and the crazed traffic control personnel. I'm watching Mad Men and doing laundry.

Things I like today:

-Having never waited to use the washer/dryer in over 3 months

-Bucket loads of snow and the clean smell of the imminent winter months

-Baguettes and gorgonzola cheese

-My cozy little European apartment

-Realizing that I've avoided getting drastically sick since the weather's gotten colder

-Meeting the nuns that live in my building

Christmas is coming! I need to get cracking. I suppose I shall start thinking of gifts to give my wonderful family and friends. I loving giving. I hate receiving presents because I always feel like I don't deserve them. My joy is definitely in giving, yes.

I think I heard the washer buzz. I'll catch you later!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LqlMi3vsgY

An Assemblage of Intentions

Today is the first day I really take time to write a thought or two. It's always been a strange feeling, for me, to take up writing a blog. Proof lies in the absence of a real entry in roughly a year after creating this thing, but we all have to start somewhere. To be honest, much of my hesitation resides in unclear intentions of sharing my thoughts via a medium that allows other people to come and go, reading my personal revelations, ideas, and innermost thoughts. They arrive with the potential of quickly becoming bored with an unknown person's petty life, pass judgment, and likely depart before getting to the end of this sentence.

Who really cares?

I'm not writing for anyone but myself. You're allowed to watch, but don't get to excited about purposeful ambiguity and cryptic messages. The only person that really needs to understand any of this is me, as a remembrance, outlet, escape, or time filler. Even so, there will still be my own handwritten pages just for me.

Here's a little honesty: I'm an incredibly insecure person who pays far too much attention to the consequences of my words and actions. I never want to leave a negative imprint on anyone, even if I don't even know them. It's incredibly crippling sometimes. I have covers and plenty of facades, but do not be worried that the me you know is not genuine; it is much more calculated than that. I use humor. I myself can find no greater satisfaction in a hearty and sincere laugh, but even more satisfaction comes from the times when I can give other people that same feeling I love.

I have a lot of flaws. I am an unlucky person, but a relatively happy one. I sometimes try not to think about the possible things I could have done to make karma treat me like it does. To put it simply, I just put another bad luck cherry on the bad luck sundae I've been fashioning for quite some time. I don't even know if I believe in karma. I'm not made to feel guilty. I need courage. I strongly believe courage could turn a lot of things around for me. Where's the nearest Courage Courier? Why can't it be that simple?

This is a time in my life where my actions can greatly affect they way the rest of my life turns out. No pressure. I feel bored much of the time because I'm too scared to commit my time to events and actions that might result in failure. You tell me it will all be fine and I can do anything I want to, but didn't I just reveal my unlucky nature? Petrification Station.

Obligations

Let it be known that Kelsey Forman was the person that made me write my first entry almost a year after creating this blog. Godspeed, Kelsey.